Welcome the Demons

Alone, in a bubble, at the edge of a room.

I’d come and say hi, but it’s way too soon.

Just let me adjust. Just let my head clear.

Just give me some space over here.

 

The demons, they come, to steal my breath.

They make me feel I’d be better in death.

They hand me a gun. “Pull the trigger,” they say,

“It’s sure to take the pain away.”

 

“You’ll never be normal. You’ll never be loved.

You’ll never be perfect. You’ll always be snubbed.

Nobody loves you. Nobody cares.

Nobody that I’m aware.”

 

So I grip together both of my hands.

I’ll be that girl that no one can stand.

That weirdo girl with her crazy disorder.

“Why can’t she just be normal?”

 

Anxiety eats at my chest and my gut,

As with each breath I am drowning in blood,

And claws climb my throat and strangle my words.

They will not let me be heard.

 

And they all point at that girl over there,

Having a breakdown, hands tangled in hair,

Hoping that pain will do her some good.

Yeah, like it ever would.

 

How to be normal? How to be free?

Can you just tell all your secrets to me?

All that I know is how to be broken,

And tear my dead heart wide open.

 

Do normal people walk around feeling great?

Smile and laugh and stay up too late?

If I stay up late, it’s because of my thoughts.

They like to plague me a lot.

 

So I sit on my heels and rock back and forth,

And cry and cry, for all that I’m worth.

‘Cause I am worth nothing. That’s what they say.

Please just come take me away.

 

I pray to my God, but I’m not sure He hears.

Does He ever think of my pain and my tears?

Or am I just faking? Nobody knows.

Maybe I should just go.

 

I’d like to give you a great fix-all cure.

I’d like to say that I’m perfectly sure

That God has a reason to make us this way.

I’d promise you you’ll be okay.

 

But that would be lying, and I’m not here to lie.

I’m just here to scream, and to whine, and to cry.

I’m here to be empty, cold, gray, and dead,

To show you what’s inside my head.

 

 

When it’s all in your head there’s no way you can run,

And so I stand still on my own in the sun,

Hoping to find some answers in this

Unanswerable empty abyss.

 

God has a reason, I’m pretty  sure,

But right now I don’t really have a good cure.

So I’ll just keep living, just keep holding on,

And praying that hope comes along.

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